The Wall diary of Useless

Hadrian’s Wall is 73 miles long, or 80 Roman miles. I am 3 centimetres long, or 3 Roman centimetres. The Romans never bothered measuring erasers. English Heritage: Hadrian’s Wall FAQs

A milecastle held about eight soldiers. My pencil case holds about eight pencils. Both of us are guarding a gate. Mine’s the zip. English Heritage: Hadrian’s Wall FAQs

There was a lookout every third of a mile. I look out every third of a lesson. Mostly for the bell. English Heritage: Local Learning, Hadrian’s Wall (teaching resources)

The Vindolanda tablets are about postcard size. I asked for a postcard from Vindolanda. They sent me a lecture about conservation. Fair. British Museum: The Vindolanda tablets

‘My fellow soldiers have no beer – please order some to be sent.’ Two thousand years later, my fellow erasers have no pencil. Same energy. British Museum: The Vindolanda tablets

Soldiers trained in full armour for around 2 hours a day. I train by being rubbed across a spelling test for around 2 seconds. I’m exhausted. North East Museums: Arbeia, the barracks (learning page)

Roman soldiers probably used moss as toilet paper. I am not moss. Please stop asking. North East Museums: Arbeia, the barracks (learning page)

The turf sector was 20 Roman feet wide. I am 0.1 Roman feet wide. I have measured. Twice. English Heritage: History of Hadrian’s Wall

Housesteads has the best-preserved stone-built latrines of any Roman fort in Britain. I visited. I did not sit down. English Heritage: Significance of Housesteads Roman Fort

Hadrian’s biographer said the Wall was to separate the Romans from the barbarians. My pencil case has a divider to separate the pens from the crumbs. English Heritage: Hadrian’s Wall FAQs

At Birdoswald, dogs may have kept rats and mice away from the grain. In my pencil case, I keep the crumbs away from the sharpener. Mostly. English Heritage: Hadrian’s Wall, History and Stories

Claudia Severa’s birthday invitation is the earliest known handwriting of a woman in the Roman Empire. My earliest handwriting is a smudge. I rubbed it out. British Museum: The Vindolanda tablets

The highest point on the Path is Windshield Crags, 345 metres up. My highest point was the top of a bookshelf. I was put there as a punishment. Northumberland National Park: 20 facts about the Hadrian’s Wall Path

Every Footstep Counts says don’t walk on the Wall itself. I would never. I can’t climb it. I’m 3 centimetres tall. Hadrian’s Wall Country: Every Footstep Counts

Soldiers got rations of bread, beef, olive oil and wine. I get rations of pencil shavings. Nobody asked me. North East Museums: Arbeia, the barracks (learning page)

Most soldiers served for around 20 years. I’ve served for around 20 homeworks. I already look 2,000 years old. North East Museums: Arbeia, the barracks (learning page)